No More Mr. Fat Guy!

Why cut back on portions, eat healthier foods, and get more exercise to reclaim your health? Because that’s the only way to lose weight and get in shape. But scientists continue the search for a magic Frankenfood that will taste great, fill you up, and not make you fat. It’s big business for one company in Holland right now. But I say it can’t be done. That’s not how life works, or nature works. Nature already provides us with foods that fill us up without a lot of calories. They’re called fruits and vegetables, and they contain fiber. But we prefer other, tastier foods.

If something is invented that “works”, I can’t imagine how eating it could be healthy, since to have any effect it would have to interfere with or shut down the body’s natural processes. Wasn’t diet pop supposed to make us all skinnier? And yet some studies show that people who drink diet pop are fatter than those who don’t. If you’ve ever seen the Albert Brooks movie Defending Your Life, you remember that in Heaven, everyone could gorge on their favorites foods all day long and never put on any weight. I doubt very much if Heaven’s going to be like that, and I’m 100% convinced that life on Earth will never be like that, no matter how many billions companies put into research and development. We’re fat because we eat too much, we eat the wrong stuff, and we don’t get out and move our bodies. That’s the reality, and no Frankenfood is ever going to “fix” reality.

They had to go and invent a pizza vending machine.

I’ve got one in my bedroom!

Boy, for my weight loss plan, I sure hope this is a hoax, but rumor is that Ben and Jerry’s is coming out with a Stephen Colbert ice cream-Americone Dream. I love Stephen Colbert. That guy’s a trip, man. I don’t have a satellite dish, so I can only watch clips on the internet, but he cracks me up. And I love ice cream, too. Boy, I sure hope this is just a prank!

Or I’d probably weigh twice what I do now. If you’re a pizza lover, like I am, check out this website devoted to New York City pizza shops. It’s like porn for fat guys. Instead of blocking visitors under the age of 18, you should have to click a button stating you’re under 200 pounds before you’re allowed into their site.

After I’ve lost my weight, and I’ve started eating healthier, I’m gonna have to head up to the Big Apple and sample some of these places.

I was in Chicago last year, and had my first Chicago style deep dish at Geno’s East. Frankly, after hearing for years about the glories of Chicago pizza, I wasn’t that impressed. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, either.

The best pizza around here is Donato’s in Huntsville. Especially their Classic Trio, and I’ll be paying them a few Saturday visits, when I just eat whatever I want.